im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
