obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
