Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
