I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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