Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
