just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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