I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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