Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
