david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
