In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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