She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we should paint friendship bongs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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