What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
