I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
