office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
