great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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