yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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