just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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