im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize