What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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