im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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