yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
