Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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