OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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