I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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