You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
