He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
