Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
