I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
