I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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