Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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