she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
