Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
