Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
