I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
