I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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