"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize