It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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