how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if only i could text you this smell
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
