I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The adults are the big ones right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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