girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
