remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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