she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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