Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
