He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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