Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
