We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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