A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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