final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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