wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
