these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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