I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize