I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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