He felt like a one man threesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
