Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
