sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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