I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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