I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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