It's like God shit irony all over that family
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
