Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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