His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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