I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
