Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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