im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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