the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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