I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
