When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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