btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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