Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
